I feel like sometimes nothing is worth it. How many times have I fall and rip myself apart? alot I guess. How many tears have I cried? till the extend that tears don't fall anymore. How many cuts I had? Afew the rest of the scars heal up,only those significant few remain. How many times I walk alone trying to feel comfort? alot,everyday. sometimes everything feel damn fucked up. I feel I'm so goddamn lousy, I feel I'm not worth it to anyone. BUT what the hell,I'm not the only sad,desolated human being. I may choose like falling down, I know I am damn weak,but each time theres a reason not too,I know my reason at the moment. and what the hell,I know I'm not that bad for anyone, I have my good and bad. I just don't understand why no one comes and notice me and like me... Everything is not perfect,I am just trying, and if I'm lucky something good will happen.



You know what they call this self empathy. haha. Man and I'm good at it. This may be my last post,who the hell cares bout me and what and I have to say anyway. Its like perfect suicide, killing yourself trying to display your death scene with your guts at the doorknob and your blood painting the walls bloody red, and no one even noticing a single thing. Perfect suicide,when I die I rather no one knows then no one can comes to my feneral. That wouldn't even be call perfect suicide,no one even know about the suicide.


Everything falls one by one,sometimes they take pairs. We are living in an imperfect world,but we got to see every single fall theres a rise. Let this one be a great rise rather than a massive fall.

Fallen angel

I am so tired...didn't really know that someonelike him could like her. haha. I am falling,my faith is on a tight rope,but I know God will come and knock some sense into me. nothing much to talk about. Thats how I feel. and yar my winning 11 season so far is 8 wins 1 draw 0 lost, and my best goal scorer is Nakamura and Walcott,I'm using Arsenal. Oh ya, and finally my Portuguese brother is playing properly,NANI. I am proud that I have Portuguese heritage.

I do not know

But,every single girl I fall for since my ex, is either one of three things... first, they are not interested. secondly, they consider me as a friend, and lastly, they are already attached. Like kinda sad about it,but don't really think bout it so much already. I think I am trying to smile more. Trying! I just say this ah,if I ever told the girl I really had feelings for... I think she will ignore me. wahaha. SO I AM trying to smile =)

MY week summerised

on monday, I can't remember what I did on monday. I am suffering from memory lost.

on tuesday,Biggest thing was the RP opening. Chiron got cheated by those upstairs people,then we thought got cheer, then in the end all get cheated... Evil. Hang out with the main characters of Sheraton,and some sub characters, and four extra characters. haha. Anyway, I am the main character, and I am super imbar. my main female character ah,hmm, how to say...I don't know who it is,or I do know but I just don't want say.

on wednesday,walk all over town helping Wan look for a teddy bear. Aimless and in the end pointless.


on thursday,hmm, science module,actually was quite okay. Play badminton,lucky to see someone there.

on friday,Stupid Fucked up maths. With that stupid old hag,Anyhow say things... I wasn't doing anything on my computer lahzzz... I so nice one.

on sat, hmm,nothing much actually,drank and ate a huge dinner.


anyway, my life like nothing good happens much... or interesting.



HERE SOMETHING TO READ
GOT ALOT OF MEANING!!!.


You'll sit alone forever
If you wait for the right time
What are you hoping for?
I'm here I'm now I'm ready
Holding on tight
Don't give away the end
The one thing that stays mine

I won't always love what I'll never have
I won't always live in my regrets

This is for saturday,and my post timing and dates are wrong.

Today I work up kinda in a happy mood. Have not been emo for some time. Good right? Anyway,woke up late and went to watch my friend's band perform. His band name is Airtime and their drummer seriously sucks,I mean I drum better. haha. Actually the drummer is my friend so I give chance.

haha. bore-ed the rest of the day. Kinda happy in the night too.haha. Guess some of your know why.

I just don't like waiting,but I am waiting...

I really quite impatient,been waiting to see if I don't message,will she message me back...No luck so far,now its like 11.53am,and no luck so far. I think I suck. I want to talk to her,but can't do anything much. Falling for her,but I think I should widen my options,but I feel I am not sincere to her if I ever do that.
And now,its so boring...stupid maths...

somewhere over the rainbow lyrics

Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high
There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby
Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue
And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true!

Someday I'll wish upon a star
and wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me!

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow, why then oh why can't I?

( Someday I'll wish upon a star
and wake up where the clouds are far behind me
Where troubles melt like lemon drops
Away above the chimney tops, that's where you'll find me! )

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly
Birds fly over the rainbow, why then oh why can't I?
If happy little bluebirds fly, beyond the rainbow
Why oh why can't I!

Its brand new for me

I like this girl,but she likes someone else. Am i good enough for her. I hope I am. Thats all I want to know. Cause I want to be the one she can hold on to... in everything.good and bad,happy and sad.

Today, I want to start blogging properly. My blog is not difficult to read,its just you need imagination. haha. Anyway,didn't go to school today. Was too tired,couldn't sleep well last night,cause I was emo-ing. Then spend time finding a new blogskin. Found one,this one. haha. Don't know why,but seem to like this song all of the sudden. Maybe this song is about, dreaming. Basically, what I do everyday is that. haha. My latest dream, trying to get her.
Anyway,went to school to do the stupid SAS cheer. Kinda piss off,cause I waited for the rest of the chiron members for like half an hour,at a damn ulu place. Man, and it piss me off that some events IG,keep complaining. Like Little girls. haha. Can't stand.
And I like always wait for her to message, sometimes so long, but nevermind,guess she is busy with her own matters. Anyway,use to liked a girl,that only message me,once before she sleeps. haha. so this girl is so much better. Kinda falling for her.


freedom my fallen...I'm gonna free myself

I'M WASTING MY TIME

I wish there was a happy ending,but I have a ending,I have to accept it. I need to learn be happy about it. Its like my life is empty,once I was filled near to the brim,but now I just hope to be filled again. I don't want her back,I can't,I won't. I do not love her anymore,I don't want to love her anymore,I don't need to love her anymore. I really don't have to. I choosed now at this point,no other things matter. I have choosen my path, my life is a chess game with everything. My life has been so fucked up before I choose,but I don't want to have a fucked up life forever. I am true and true different on my own. This is what I am accepting now,but I am always hoping I can find someone. But maybe she will come on later. Now its just a one man show. waiting for it to be a one man and one women love story. I am randomly lost.


if you can see me,my fallen,you will know why. you will know the end,and why I am there.

Queer! I made it this far

I have no power,I have failed.

Is it just me or was my life meant to be this way.I tried and it don't seem good enough. I am just trying to wear my hood,and cover myself away. I wanna just cover myself away from everyone,its like they won't miss me. Its good enough for me if I could live alone in Siberia. Maybe I can last another day. Just see my dreary legs stumble on. Further and further I go till you only see me as a shadow across the horizon,and then I fade.

I just came to tell you. Sweet and silent,long and lost. Goodbye my fallen.